L's VISION OF HARRY POTTER MADNESS
by J and L inc
Summary: This is ONE INTERESTING STORY! What do you get when you fall in love? Well, this story doesn't answer that question. Be prepared to take a wild journey in the life of Harry Potter, with his alter-ego and a secret swirly organization. R/R PG for stupidity!


What do you get when you fall in love?  
By: L  
  
Once there was a man named Jed. No... He wasn't on the Beverly Hillbillies. He was on the Brady Bunch! Well he wasn't but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that he was related to EVERYONE in this Kaiwa. Don't know what Kaiwa means, eh? Well that's not my problem. If you want to learn run out and grab your Japanese/English dictionary and look it up. Well anyway.... That was a lie too.   
  
Let's get started with this friggin' story.   
  
Once upon a time there was a boy named Harry Potter. He lived with his friend Ronald Weasly and Ron's brother's Fred and George. After agreeing to a study that would allow a group of mad scientists the right to grab Ron and cut him apart at anytime... Harry, as Ron's legal guardian, went shopping for shoes.   
  
The story of Harry becoming Ron's legal guardian is an interesting tid-bit that is just too tantalizing to turn down... and since it's that way I'm not gonna tell ya.  
  
Well anyway... Harry was walking along in Wear Out and Use Again used shoe stores when he ran into a magic bumblebee.   
"Hello Magic Bumblebee! What is your name?"  
"My name is Magic Bumblebee! MB for short."  
"Would you like to ride around in my hair, MB?"  
"Sorry, Harry. Must be off!" With that MB flew away, buzzing happily.   
Harry shrugged and noticed Ron was being toted away by a herd of men wearing swirly eyeglasses and long white lab coats. Harry would have begged them to let Ron go but since he was so annoyed with him that day he decided he didn't mind.   
  
Harry suddenly dropped to his knees and held his forehead. He heaved heavy breaths and clutched the ground with his free hand. "My... my scar..." He whispered in pain.   
  
  
Little did Harry know... his mortal enemy was lurking in the shadows of the shoe racks.  
"Pika... pika pi..."   
  
  
After the pain drifted away Harry regained his strength and stood, eager to pay for the pair of new cream-colored penny loafers he chose selectively for his big, enormous feet.  
  
"Hey Hermione..." Harry said as he walked up to the cash register.  
"Oh Hello Harold!"  
"That's not my name. Did somebody de-program you again?"  
"Hello Harold.... Hello Harold... Hello Harold..." Hermione repeated mechanically.  
Harry let out a deep sigh and smacked her upside the head. Her head started vibrating at a rate of 40,000,000,000 Miles/Sec. Harry ducked behind his giant shoes as HermioneBot 4002 exploded.  
  
He sighed and dropped the money into the open cash register and walked out the door.  
"Damn those feeble inventions of hers."  
He called Hermione on her cell phone.  
"Hello? Hermione speaking."  
"Hermione another HermioneBot blew up in the Shoe Store. You're going to actually have to go to work one of these days."  
"You don't understand, Harry. I can't go to work till the HermioneBot is perfected."  
"Why not? You never get pay-checks anymore. You aren't going to have enough money to complete your studies."  
A sudden scream shrieked in the background.  
"Was that... Ron?" Harry asked, confused.  
Hermione started to perspire nervously and pushed up her swirly glasses.   
"Uh..... bye!"  
Click.  
Harry shook his head. "That girl..."  
  
  
Harry returned to the pent-house apartment he now only shared with Fred and George.   
"Hey guys."  
"Hey Harry."  
Yet again they were seeing if a HermioneBot had real boobs.  
"Guys... they are made out of metal." Harry glared.  
"But they feel so real!" George said in ecstasy, setting down his Phillips-head wand tip.  
Harry rolled his eyes. "How can you do that... she's your little sister."  
  
Yes it was a proven fact that Hermione Granger was revealed to be Ron's twin sister.  
  
"But we just learned that a few weeks ago!!" Fred said, exasperated.  
Harry groaned and slumped down on the sofa.  
Suddenly his scar let out a scream of pain. Harry fainted on the spot.  
  
  
Little did Harry know... his mortal enemy was lurking in the shadow of the Television set...  
"Pika... pika pi..."  
  
  
Harry woke up the next morning and turned on his favorite TV show... an Anime show called 'Super Fun Happy Magical Girl Super Pawaa!'   
He smiled as Aiko Takarashiisunami tried to tackle big monsters and prevailed.   
"Her and her crazy adventures..." He said quietly as he pulled on some sweatpants and grabbed a bowl of cereal.   
"MMM... Lucky Captain Rabbit King Nuggets......................................................... Wait... how did my pants get off?"  
  
Oh another of life's mysteries that I wont explain. ^_^  
  
After his favorite show he stumbled out of his home and looked at the sky. There flew past Magic Santa Clause Look-Alike, the hometown super hero.  
"I love that guy..." Harry sighed. He walked over to the 'Swirly Glasses and Long White Lab Coat Secret Lair' building and walked through the halls... that amazingly smelled similar to fish.  
  
"Harry?! Harry Potter?! Oh my GAWD!"  
Harry turned to see a very pretty girl with abnormally long red hair and purple eyes.  
"Yes... I'm Harry Potter. What's your name?"  
"My name is Mary Sue!" ^_^ (Mary Sue's RULE!)  
"Oh hey..." Harry said, instantly falling in love.  
He suddenly fell to the floor, twitching in agony. His scar caught on fire.  
Mary Sue looked around frantically and spotted a glass case that read 'Break incase of scar-inflammation'. Mary Sue broke open the glass and sprayed Harry's head with the hose inside the shattered glass case.  
  
  
Little did she know... Harry Potter's arch enemy was lurking in the shadows of the glass shards.  
"Pika... pika pi..."  
  
  
Mary Sue helped Harry up to his feet and asked him if he was OK.  
Harry nodded.  
"Why are you here, Harry Potter?" Mary Sue asked.  
"Oh... I have a sudden, un-explainable feeling that certain evil is happening here and I have a disorder that makes me need to stop it at all costs."  
"Oh..." Mary Sue nodded."  
Suddenly a rabid Tokomon jumped from the shadows of the shards of glass, screaming "PIKA!!!! PIKA PI!!!!!"  
Harry fell backwards in pain. Mary Sue did a double back flip and some how switched into a black jump suit. She pulled from behind her back two, large, phaser guns and destroyed the evil Tokomon.   
Harry's pain went away and he stood. "Wow, Mary Sue! You could be in Charlie's Angels!"  
"Oh?" Mary Sue shrugged. "I hated that movie."  
There was a long pause and Mary Sue finally said, "Is the evil gone yet?"  
Harry shook his head. "There is something more demonic than Tokomon here..."  
"What ever could it be?" Mary Sue sighed.  
They both thought hard till the crisp morning transformed into a harsh, howling thunderstorm at night.  
"Maybe we should investigate?" Harry asked, looking up into Mary Sue's eyes.  
"Maybe we should." She agreed.  
They wandered the halls and searched every fishy corridor. Finally Harry heard a scream that sounded very similar to Ron Weasly's. He ran in the direction of the howling and burst through a solid, metal door. Seriously... it has a whole shaped like Harry's body in it now.  
"Ron, Ron! Is that you??" Harry looked around desperately.  
"Is this who you are looking for?" Mary Sue said, raising the head of Harry's dear friend, Ron Weasly.  
"Oh Ronald... they decapitated you..." Harry cried for three seconds and shook it off. "We must find the monsters who did this!"  
Mary Sue nodded in agreement and ran with Harry to a door marked "Very Secret Office of Swirly Glassed, Long White Lab Coat People".  
They were about to punch in the super secret code that they magically knew that would get them inside the room when an army of HermioneBots attacked!  
Harry looked at Mary Sue and nodded. He put his mask on and wrapped some sticky-stuff out of his wrist around Mary Sue's waist and dangled her from the ceiling, out of harm's way. Harry quickly jumped onto the wall and blasted each of the HermioneBots in the head till they were all disabled and sparking on the floor. He was untying Mary Sue when he accidentally let her fall... but suddenly a poofy haired girl wearing swirly glasses and a long white lab coat ran out from the Very Secret Office of Swirly Glassed, Long White Lab Coat People room and grabbed Mary Sue before she hit the ground.  
"Herm... Hermione?" Harry said in disbelief.  
"Yes! It is I! Hermione Granger reeking the havoc you long to put an end to!"  
"Why did you grab Mary Sue before she hit the floor?"  
"I... don't know." Hermione said, dropping Mary Sue.  
"Hey! That hurt!" Mary Sue said, rubbing her bottom.  
"Hermione I can't allow you to take people apart and put them back together as a part of your HermioneBot Studies any longer!" Harry said heroically.  
Hermione gasped, certain she was about to end. Harry raised his wrist and set the setting from 'Spiderman Serum' to 'Buzz Lightyear Death Ray'. He pointed it squarely in between Hermione's eyes and shot.  
Hermione was dead in two seconds flat.   
Harry smiled and set his left wrist to 'Spiderman Serum' and left the other at 'Buzz Lightyear Death Ray'. He turned to his beloved Mary Sue--- only to see Dumbledore in a Green Goblin costume jetting off with Mary Sue.  
Harry rolled his eyes.   
"Not another villain..."  
  
  
Harry, Dumbledore and Mary Sue all arrived at the airport at the same time, and were boarding the same flight to NY for a scenic close to the story. Dumbledore and Harry smiled and waved at each other friendly-like as they sat next to each other on the plane. Just to keep his villain persona, Dumbledore put Mary Sue in the overhead storage compartment. They shared tea and crumpets the whole way there.   
  
Once they reached NY, Dumbledore grabbed Mary Sue and his jetty-thingy from the storage compartment and bid Harry farewell. Harry waved absent-mindedly when he realized that Dumbledore had once again jetted off with Mary Sue.  
"Doh!"  
  
Harry pulled his mask on and webbed after them.   
  
  
After a long and boring chase that might look cool if this were a movie, Spider-Harry-man followed Green-Dumbledore-Goblin up the Statue of Liberty, where Dumbledore had Mary Sue dangling from the torch.   
  
Harry glared at Dumbledore beneath his mask and pointed the 'Death Ray' wrist at him. Dumbledore had a huge pair of scissors ready to cut Mary Sue down; he also had another pair in his other hand ready to cut down a group of dangling school children.   
"Choose, Spider-Harry-Man..." Dumbledore said evilly as he cut both down at the same time.  
Harry looked from the falling school children to his beloved Mary Sue. He thought fast, pointed the death ray arm at Dumbledore and killed him. He then quickly jumped from one of the spikes on the Statue of Liberty's crown-dealy and webbed the school children to the side of the statue, then swung down to rescue Mary Sue. They crash-landed in a sewer of sorts. Mary Sue looked around for Spider-Harry-Man, and spotted him behind her hanging upside down.  
"This is the poorly-placed part in the story where you pull my mask down half-way and kiss me." Harry said.  
"Oh... ok." Mary Sue said. She approached Spider-Harry-Man and pulled his mask down half way yatta, yatta, yatta...   
  
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILLY EVER AFTER! 


End file.
